Watch How you talk to YOU!

We acknowledged the pain. We went back and revisited it and grabbed the hand of our inner child to parent and nurture her/him the way we see fit. Now, that we’ve went to get this broken, fragile, and loving soul, how do we raise her/him?

Let’s start with how we speak to them. Let’s pretend you’re a parent(or if you are, great lol). If someone came to your child and said “Whew girl, you can never do anything right!” How would you feel? Wouldn’t you immediately jump to his/her defense because you REFUSE to have anyone tear down your baby?

We must view ourselves in this same manner, only, the person we are defending against is.. ourself! After years of self betrayal for the sake of pleasing others, our self talk has grown more and more negative, distrustful, and off putting over time.

During our inner child meditation last week, we promised our inner child that we would be their parent now. We promised them that we would protect them from harm and abuse, and that includes self inflicted harm and abuse as well. We must teach ourselves how to be loving, compassionate, forgiving, of ourselves in order to be able to verbalize to the world how to be these things to us. Once we learn to love and protect ourselves through positive self talk, we will then be able to establish healthy boundaries to ensure those we allow access to us know how to speak to us as well, OR we won’t allow them access to us. PERIOD!

Activity:

Take the next 48hrs to jot down your conversations with yourself. Whether you’re simply walking past the mirror and you find yourself speaking harshly of your self image. Or you’re chilling at home, and someone calls you to do them a “favor” and you KNOW you don’t want to do it, but you speak harshly to yourself about how terrible of a person you are if you don’t. Or you create something and instead of sharing it with the world or loving on it, you annihilate it with your thoughts of it being stupid, useless, or not good enough. Be extremely mindful about how you think of, relate to, and speak to yourself and jot these thoughts down.

Come Friday, (or 48hrs from the time you start this activity), I want you to write the positive thought beside the negative one.

Ex.

Negative thought- Im broke! I come from a poor family and will never acquire wealth. Struggle is all I know.

Positive thought- My past doesn’t dictate my future. Because of my background, I am equipped with the most prestigious survival skills which will assist me in manifesting a reality ten times better than that of which I’m used to!

Here are 10 of the most common forms of negative self-talk(compiled by Nicki Wignall) that lead to us feeling badly on a regular basis. There are also examples attached to each one so that it’s easier for you to catch them and understand what they are and where they come from when completing your exercise.

Mind Reading

Mind reading is assuming we understand what other people are thinking without any real evidence. We imagine what’s going on in someone else’s head, but we do it in a way that’s biased and inaccurate. At its core, Mind Reading is a failure of imagination—we often only imagine the negative without exploring many different possibilities, some of which are bound to be neutral or even positive.

• During a presentation we’re giving we notice the boss looking at her phone the whole time, so we assume in our minds: She’s so bored. I knew I shouldn’t have volunteered for this.
• Our spouse doesn’t immediately say hello when we get home from work, so we assume: He must be upset with me for something.

Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is the habit of telling ourselves that a negative event is bound to continue happening in the future. When we overgeneralize, we make predictions about the future based on isolated pieces of evidence from the present.

• After being passed over for a new position at work, we think to ourselves: I’ll never get offered a promotion. I should just look for a new job.
• After being told that our flight was delayed, we comment in our mind: Typical! My flights are always delayed.

Magnification

Magnification is when we take our own errors or flaws and exaggerate them. Often magnification takes the form of catastrophizing when we take small negative events and turn them into disasters in our minds.

• After mistaking someone’s name at a cocktail party, we imagine: Great, now they’re going to think I’m not interested in them and don’t care about anyone but myself.
• After feeling a small heart palpitation, we think: Is something wrong with my heart? Am I having a heart attack? I need to get to the ER now!

Minimization

Minimization is the mirror image of Magnification and involves being dismissive of our strengths and positive qualities. When we minimize, it often keeps us in a cycle of feeling inferior because we never allow ourselves to benefit from and be boosted up by our true positive qualities and accomplishments.

• After receiving a test back, we comment to ourselves: Yeah, I got an A, but I missed the easiest question on the whole exam.
• After a congratulatory remark from our spouse after helping our child, we say to ourselves: They probably would have figured it out on their own.

Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is the habit of making decisions based on how we feel rather than what we value. When we use our emotions and feelings as evidence for what we should or shouldn’t do, we end up spending all our time running away from discomfort rather than toward the things we really value. Depression and procrastination are common results of this.

• I’m not going to go to the gym this evening; I just don’t feel it.
• If only I felt more motivated I could get ahead of my studying and be able to enjoy vacation guilt free.

Black and White Thinking

Black and white thinking is the tendency to evaluate things exclusively in terms of extreme categories. It shows up most commonly when we evaluate our own personal qualities and characteristics this way. Black and white thinking is a problem because it sets us up for chronic disappointment. When our expectations are consistently exaggerated, we never meet them and then always feel badly about ourselves.

• After getting a B- on an exam, we mutter to ourselves: I’m such an idiot.
• Thinking back on a recent date that seemed to go badly, we think: Ugh… I’m so awkward!

Personalization

Personalization involves assuming excessive amounts of responsibility, especially for things that are mostly or entirely outside our control. An exaggerated sense of responsibility leads to excessive attempts at control, which in turn lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

• After our child makes a crucial mistake at the end of a basketball game, we think to ourselves: If only I had practiced with her yesterday when she asked me to, she would have made that shot!
• When a supervisor points out an area for improvement in our work, we assume: I’m such a screw-up. Why can’t I just do things right!

Fortune Telling

Fortune Telling is the mental habit of predicting what will happen based on little or no real evidence.Instead, when our mind throws a negative outcome or worst case scenario at us, we “go with that” and tell ourselves that that’s what will happen. Like Overgeneralization, Fortune Telling is a failure of imaginative flexibility, and it often leads to a state of hyperarousal and anxiety.

• After a date that finished quickly, we say to ourselves: There’s no way she’s going to call me again.
• After walking out of a meeting, we predict: They hated it (Mind Reading); There’s no way they’re going to accept our proposal (Fortune Telling).

Labeling

Labeling is the habit of describing ourselves or others in one extreme way, usually negatively. Because people and their sense of self (including our own) are highly complex and ever-changing, Labeling is always an inaccurate oversimplification.

• After finishing a 5K with a slow time, we tell ourselves: I’m a loser.
• After a fight with our spouse, we tell ourselves: He’s such jerk.

Should Statements

Should Statements are a kind of self-talk we use to try and motivate ourselves by always telling ourselves what we should and should not do. The problem is, most of life’s decisions are not obvious cut and try choices—they involve ambiguity, uncertainty, and inherent risk. When we’re in the habit of using Should Statements, we set up a false expectation that we should have more certainty than we do. This can lead to chronic frustration, anxiety, and resentment.

• After missing an important call from our boss, we tell ourselves: I should have known he was going to call about the Johnson account this evening.
• I just have to nail this performance! we tell ourselves before going on stage.

Another example for our activity:

Ex. Negative thought- I cant do math. I’m so stupid.

Positive thought- I’m gonna focus and continue to try and figure this out.

Positive thought 2- Math isn’t my strong point, but I’m super dope at (whatever your strength is here).

Okay, now, to conclude this lonnnggg but sooo worthy Goddess talk Tuesday.

The goal is to see just how tough a critic we are to ourselves, often times, simply because of our thoughts of what external entities will think or feel. Other times, based off of habit. We must deny these thoughts and open ourselves to newer ones in order to gain the trust of that little hand we took during our meditation. We must first show our inner child that abuse, be of self inflicted or externally inflicted is A THING OF THE PAST. Then, once we have their trust, we will begin building for them, the life they forgot they deserve!

Feel free to share some of your thoughts and corrections using hashtags #goddesstalktuesday #positiveselftalk

If you find yourself stuck, or even wanting to vent about some of the issues, as always, DM me on FB or IG @fitgoddessbodies and I will be thrilled to assist you on your journey to healing as I can!

Comment a green heart 💚 below if these exercises are helping you

I love y’all! For real! 💚☮️✨