‼️‼️They aren’t “using you” sis, you prematurely offered your love and sacrifice THINKING that would somehow MAKE them see you as WORTHY enough to love you back‼️‼️
This was a viscous and repetitious cycle for me. Making friends or getting in “relationships” and always feeling like the victim. Always feeling like I get the short end of the stick. I would say things like “I love too hard, people always come into my life, use me, and leave”.
So the big question, HOW DID I GET STUCK IN THIS CYCLE?
It started back when I was a little toddler. Be patient with me as I walk you through this because it’s vital to you walking yourself through your own process. Below is an excerpt from “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz
Children are domesticated the same way that we domesticate a dog, a cat, or any other animal. In order to teach a dog we punish the dog and we give it rewards. We train our children whom we love so much the same way that we train any domesticated animal: with a system of punishment and reward. We are told, “You’re a good boy,” or “You’re a good girl,” when we do what Mom and Dad want us to do. When we don’t, we are “a bad girl” or “a bad boy.” When we went against the rules we were punished; when we went along with the rules we got a reward. We were punished many times a day, and we were also rewarded many times a day. Soon we became afraid of being punished and also afraid of not receiving the reward. The reward is the attention that we got from our parents or from other people like siblings, teachers, and friends. We soon develop a need to hook other people’s attention in order to get the reward. The reward feels good, and we keep doing what others want us to do in order to get the reward. With that fear of being punished and that fear of not getting the reward, we start pretending to be what we are not, just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else. We try to please Mom and Dad, we try to please the teachers at school, we try to please the church, and so we start acting. We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected. The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.
I don’t know about you but reading that always makes me cringe. It is a clear explanation of why this current reality we are in is so mentally ill. This is how trauma is passed down for generation after generation because we are ALL CHILDREN SEEKING THE VALIDATION OF MOM AND DAD.
You may say, Anahata(my spirit name), I’m not seeking my parents’ approval anymore, I’m grown. Well, maybe on the surface you aren’t, however, mom and dad have simply changed form; they’ve become your peers, your environment, your boss, or even social media.
WE HAVE UNINTENTIONALLY AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY BEEN TAUGHT TO VALUE THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS, DESIRES, AND BELIEFS OF EXTERNAL ENTITIES OVER OUR OWN!
Because of this, we consistently ignore the voice within screaming out I AM UNCOMFORTABLE! I DO NOT LIKE THIS! & we tune into the voice saying “How will I get them to notice and approve of me” “How do I need to act in order to fit into this environment?” Oh and my favorite, the one I used to live by.. “What can I do to prove to them I’m worth their time?”
So from a child, I began practicing pleasing everyone, neglecting the most IMPORTANT relationship in this world and that is the one with self. So much so that I began to self sabotage. I was so addicted to the high of “being needed, and “helping” and “getting attention”, that I didn’t care about the aftermath. I didn’t care about how much I had to betray myself as long as they, whoever they may be at the time, deemed me worthy.. even if it was temporary.
Then when the game ended, I would cry and experience a sickening heart break because I knew immediately that I had done it again, that the cycle had consumed me again, and the worst part, I IMMEDIATELY BEGAN SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO PLUG INTO THE CYCLE TO STOP THE PAIN.
Whew chile, my life was SCRESSFUL 🥴🤣
I know you’re wondering now, Anahata, we know this is a problem but how do I fix this? How do I stop this cycle? Well, we started on it last week! Building a relationship with self! However, there’s a painful, yet necessary step we must address along with this.. inner child healing.
This meditation that I have attached is where it all began for me. Allow yourself to lie down and relax as you will be doing some crying, releasing, maybe yelling too. Allow yourself to be free and take this journey with an open mind. Know that all that you feel, experience, and do during this practice is PERFECT for your personal journey. No one’s journey is the same! Take this journey back to your childhood to get your inner child and become the parent she/he needed! This time, nurturing yourself the way YOU SEE FIT!
I personally repeated this practice multiple times a week for months. Each time, addressing a different issue or even revisiting the same one, just on a deeper level as i learned to trust myself more.
This process is NOT for the faint at heart. It is for those who are sick and tired of being sick and tired and are ready to elevate, to heal, to see themselves live out this reality the way it was intended for them and not full of pain!
I can’t wait to hear about your experience! Please comment below OR since this is more intimate, DM on Facebook if you’d like interpretations, guidance, to share your journey, or simply someone to love on you as you take your inner child through this journey to healing.
I love y’all! For real! 💚
Great read sis!!! I don’t think people realize how vital it is to begin to question yourself and why you are the way you are, that’s how it all started for me once I began questioning who I truly was it led me to question shit that always seemed “right.”
I loved this post, it’s what I didn’t know I needed today 🙌🏾🙏🏾
This is EXACTLY what I needed!!!