I love to say, healing is a journey, not a destination. This means that as long as we are living and breathing, we will constantly have work to do as it pertains to healing.
I recently realized that after three years of being on my spiritual healing journey, I STILL seek validation from loved ones. I am aware of exactly where this "need" stems from. It stems from a space in me that believes the narrative that I must PROVE that i'm good enough for those in my life. This is as if any action deems me lovable.. or unlovable for the matter! In my adult space, I am fully aware that me simply BEing qualifies me worthy of love in all forms. However, the child in me, the one who's limited perspective gathered that she wasn't good enough from her experience growing up; she sometimes shows up and begins to "work" for love.
Reading that is so sad because I look around and see this happening in the homes of many black families. Yelling at, casting out, whooping, and ignoring our children when they have big emotions or do something unfavorable teaches/reinforces the notion that "I am only lovable when i'm making my loved ones, or people in general, happy." "If I feel any emotion other than happy, I am unlovable, so I must hide and neglect my emotions, while tending to theirs in order for there to be peace in my reality."
I could dive so deep into that last paragraph, but thats another blog for another day. I'm typing this to share with you how to communicate effectively. This is used in conversation when expressing your thoughts and feelings with a loved one in regards to change. However, the most important relationship in our lives is the relationship with SELF, so this very dialogue is one that I have with myself multiple times a day. It's called introspect. So many people ask me how to learn introspection and I guess for me, it came naturally through healing, but this strategy is one that Dr. Llaila O Afrika came up with that I found to be a nice start to the explanation of how I interact with myself and others.
- Before giving your opinion, remember to...
a. Put yourself in the other person's place
b. Pretend how it feels hearing what you are about to say
c. Choose one specific attitude/behavior that the person is capable of changing and expect slow change.
d. Choose and appropriate time to give an opinion or advice; usually you cannot say it in the moment it occurs due to high emotion; it wont be received.
e. When the time arrives, ask if you can discuss something that you feel will bring more togetherness(Maat).
2. Give your opinion.
3. Make sure your opinion is understood.
4. Offer a solution
5. Commit yourself to change and participate
6. Allow the person to offer their response and solution
7. Use a compromised solution
8. Give positive encouragement
Be kind to yourself. Be patient as you unlearn and relearn. Honor yourself as you break old patterns. Praise yourself as you create a new lifestyle! You will find that the more compassion you offer yourself, the easier it will be to do this with others. Feel free to comment questions below, i'll be happy to assist you in navigating your journey back to you! For extensive help, book a session with me!
As always, I love yall! For real!